Lesson #4: Bittersweet

A forgotten post......

October is cancer awareness month and it has proven to be bittersweet.

Friday was our annual Pink Out football game. If you are unfamiliar with this concept, pink has become the color for cancer fighters and survivors (not just breast cancer) and for a pink out, everyone wears pink to show their support and hope for a cure. At Belle Fourche's Pink Out game cancer fighters and survivors are given pink balloons to release together during the game. Knowing this was something special for Lukie to be able to do and help him understand about his "stitches" that he often brings up, the boys and I had a little front loading for the nights events.







Before Luke's surgery we had light talks about what might become of Lukie's bump if we didn't have it taken out and how we needed to know right away if he got any more. We talked about how he could get really sick and maybe even die. Let me tell you, that's a very eerie talk to have with your three year old. It seems necessary to be be incredibly up front and honest about this situation regardless of his age as so often, if there is to be a relapse, it will hit hard and move fast. It has become "just one of those things in our life". Some people know prosthetics, some people know forensics, some mortuary science, some law enforcement, some teacher lingo.... well we know most of those, now we can add some oncology talk.






Lukie was very eager to let his balloons go and was holding them super tight until the time to let them go together came. When the announcement came, I scrambled to get them untied from his wrist quickly. The lady handing them out had decided he needed two. they were tied together at the bottom and ended up wrapped around the power lines and eventually popping. Luke seemed a little morose about this but we decided this meant POP, they're gone! We got rid of the bump and its done.

 

Here's to PINK and remaining thankful for positive outcomes.

Lesson #3: The Power of Prayer

　
After 3 agonizing days of waiting with high stress and short tempers we have finally heard our pathology results. (Okay, so 3 days isn’t that long, but it felt like forever since we found the stupid thing.) Although we had been phone in hand for the past couple days waiting for this call, it came at a time neither Wayne nor I could answer it, of course. The nurse was kind enough to leave a message on one of our phones. Moment of truth…. Does it say give us a call back, or good news….
　

“This is Nancy Nurse, who really cares, form a four word long clinic taken over by Regional Health Systems, yadda yadda…. Calling about Lucas’ pathology results. (AND… spit it out already!) His tumor was benign. (THANK GOD!!!) That’s a good one.” she says. And whatever else was on the message went unheard as the happy dance immediately followed.
　

If you are unfamiliar with benign tumors, here are a couple of links with simple terms:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benign_tumor

http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/benign-tumors-causes-treatments

We have an appointment next week to check his wound and stitches, then we should be done with this. We may even get the little water bug into some more water before the end of the summer!
　
　
　
Thank you ALL for your thoughts and prayers!

Lesson #2 Take advantage of the TRAUMA DRAMA

Lukie knew right away how to work the sympathy angle. The drama that comes with such situations is exactly the thing you can use to get away with an attitude and being spoiled rotten.

　

We reported to the hospital at 7:30 this morning. By 8 we were heading back to surgery. Luke didn’t walk anywhere but stayed in his jammies wrapped in his fuzzy Pooh blanket and his Scooby blanket. We had to wrestle him into the hospital jammies, he didn’t want to wear those “AT ALL”, but having a bag of new stuff from Grandma Walker to look at and play with helped.

He didn’t scream or fight anything, just growled and scowled at the blood pressure cuff and heart monitor cords. We did opt for the oral sedative to help him relax after that so when we had to part ways he was already feeling loopy and was “driving” the bed back through the doors. This made everyone feel better.

Waiting in the main lobby was awful. Wayne and I sat there with not much conversation as your nerves are a bit on guard. We both turned to our phones. The shallow vinyl chairs were spaced a ways apart, and extremely uncomfortable, the people across the room were slightly boisterous and the thermostat was malfunctioning making terrible puffing and hissing noises that increased in volume, frequency and duration until the maintenance crew finally came to take it apart.

…..okay so maybe I had some of my own trauma drama going on.

The surgery itself took right under an hour as predicted. A nurse came out to tell us it went fine and he was sleeping in recovery around 9:25. He slept for another 30 minutes before he started to arouse and they finally came to get us.

He woke up hungry, imagine that. He kept looking at his arm wrapped in red and blue (like Captain America- the nurses were good like that) sticky tape wondering where the cord and the wrapping came from. He didn’t even notice the incision and when given the ice pack back that had fallen off, he put it on his hand once the IV came out. He thought this was his owie (those suckers do hurt).

Within another half an hour, a few graham crackers, some apple juice and multiple signatures later we were carrying Luke, sporting some new Captain America jammies, out to the van.

On the way home after saying how brave he was and how god he did he asked, “Did the doctor take my bump out already?” It was awesome to hear that he didn’t even notice as he held the ice pack on his hand.

When we got home Grandma Tonsager and his big brothers had gone to the dollar store and picked out some more Avengers goods, a cap gun, some chocolate and some gum. He of course was eager to go out and shoot the gun and tried to get off the couch to walk not having used his legs yet. He immediately sunk to the ground and then repeatedly tried to walk to the door making it only to the edge of the first couch before surrendering to mom carrying him. (What a work out, 44.some odd lbs gets heavy going back and forth.) We battled him for about an hour trying to get him to stay on the couch and watch a movie or snuggle. He was not having it.

After letting him play inside and on the decks for an hour or so we tried family nap time, as the doctors assured us he would be sleepy today…… ummm NO. Mom, Dad and Jake napped. The boys did play calmly and watch the ridiculous show they are currently hooked on called Mona the Vampire (show us your faaaannggs!) We are yet to figure out just exactly how Mona turns into a vampire, if it be in dreams or purely imagination, but the Canadian made storyline is slim and only nearly as annoying as some of the Japanamation cartoons of the past couple years’ craze.

Around 5 Luke’s melodramatic crocodile tears and snotty demanding attitude got old and we gave in to letting him play outside. He was not allowed the sandbox, dirtpile, or any water toys as he cannot bathe until Friday!!! He will surely have taken on another race’s pigmentation by then.

I look up to see him riding his bike! “Lukie, doesn’t that make your owie hurt?” It’s in his groin, the peddaling has to agitate it?!?!? “Hu, uh (big smirk and shoulder shrug)” …..okay then. He proudly shows his battle wounds to all who inquire, and some who don’t.

After an hour of getting his outdoor fix, we are watching Avengers with…… you got it Captain America!!! You will never guess what kind of a birthday party he has chosen this year.
　

ANYHOW, after the surgery the doctor simply stated, “It looks like an enlarged lymph node. It will be picked up at 9:45, sent to Rapid and we should have the results within 2-3 days.” That was it, there wasn’t anymore.

AND NOW WE WAIT………..

Lesson #1: Life is Not Fair

Lesson #1: Life is NOT Fair!

You have all heard the saying, and some of you know it to be true more than others; well, Lukie just joined the “some of you”. Not only does Lukie Lynn know that its not fair when your brother always gets more, gets to go first, gets to pick first, gets to ride in front, gets to go to sleepovers or sit by Mommy when we go out to eat or watch a movie, now Lukie Lynn knows its not fair the hands you are dealt in life.

This summer while on our annual visit to Grandpa and Grandma Walker’s house in Nebraska (on Mommy’s birthday, none the less), Lukie was leaning back over the bed while getting dressed and Mommy seen a lump in his groin. It was about 2” by 1” and pretty solid. The immediate thing that came to mind was a hernia. We all looked it over and thought it must be. So, when we got back to SD we made an appointment for Lukie squeezing him in with Jake’s 2 month shots. <July 14^th>

When the appointment time came Lukie was a really good boy, he let them take his height and weight and vitals (something they weren’t allowed last year). Our doctor is excellent with kids and a really nice guy who we really like. When he came in and examined, he declared, “it’s not a hernia, it’s his lymph node”. My heart sank. Right then I knew it was not something to mess with. I didn’t want hernia surgery for my baby either, but this, this could be worse. <July 20^th>

The doctor gave him a round of antibiotics and said that he could have build up from an infection asking if he had been sick or had any cuts or scrapes on his legs. Well, he’s a three year old little boy who has walked since 9 months, scaled countertops since 11 months and ran since 12 months keeping up with, or rather, sent on scouting jobs by his two big brothers. I once found him on the third shelf of our pantry smuggling a snack for Zach. Another time he was on tippy toe atop the counter perched to grab a toy taken away and stashed on top the fridge. There is no place he can’t get to and no stunt he won’t try.

The antibiotics did nothing to change the size of the mass (trust me we checked daily, sometimes hourly). The doctor had said if it didn’t the next step would likely be a biopsy. We went had talked to some friends who’s daughter had a mass in her armpit node and it turned out to be a harmless calcified lymph node. We hoped we would have the same such luck. We had doubled up our next appointment with Zach’s kindergarten shots. When the doctor examined Luke and found the mass the same, there was a lengthy silence in a room with 8 people ranging in age from 10 weeks old to mid fifties….try that sometime, it really isn’t pleasant like one might expect when pondering silence. After what seemed like an eternity (as the saying goes), I asked if we needed to do the biopsy where would that take place in hopes to have him just spit it out already and when he still looked reluctant to answer, Wayne asked if there was any chance it could be a calcified node. The doctor finally replied,s “At this point no, it’s a soft node with a mass that’s not small enough not to worry and not big enough to be definite. I am referring you to a surgeon for a surgery consult.”

Well there, at least we have a next step now and are a bit closer to what we are dealing with. <August 7^th>

Today we went in for the surgery consultation. The surgeon was a kind but straight forward guy. He examined the mass and asked the same questions we had answered before. This time when asked if he had any cuts or scrapes on his legs Wayne, who had not been with the very first appointment, just laughed out loud. The surgeon said “he’s a three year old boy right?” Right. He also asked about pets??? No pets (surprising being my kid and my house right? If you knew me in my kid years I collected pets sneaking them home and rescuing them from roadways and plucking them from ponds and farms all the time. I was “lizard girl” for years, proudly).

After obtaining the information he wanted he stated that he would like to remove the entire thing (I am still unsure at this point whether he means the entire node or the entire mass, Wayne thinks entire node. Some things do present as a blur no matter how hard you try to fight it and focus). He said they would then send it to pathology and find out if it is benign. He also said that he, thus far, is not presenting with additional symptoms of lymphoma such as fevers, night sweats or masses in other nodes. This is good. I am no expert on cancer, but from what I have read and researched, I believe that if it is benign and removed, other than the overprotective paranoia that set in upon first sight of the wretched thing, we could be fairly done with the damned situation with limited monitoring. If it comes back as another form of cancer or whatever else is out there that wasn’t mentioned, well, at this point we haven’t let ourselves go there. <August 10^th>

The surgery is scheduled for first thing Tuesday morning (the 14^th) at the Spearfish Regional Hospital as an outpatient low risk surgery with a hopeful low risk of complications barring it is not attached to anything other than the node which they will not know until they get in there.

Your thoughts and prayers are welcome and appreciated. We have been through multiple stressors in our past, this pretty much tops the lot just above the blue baby rushed to the NICU in 2006 and the losses in 2010 and 2011. We are keeping our chins up best we can, however, the occasional snaps do occur and the memory lapses are frequent. If you see us around or expected appearances in the near future, apologies in advance, but we are not always stable and have reverted to our home-bodied personalities absorbing as much family time as possible.